January 2011
32 posts
December 2010
37 posts
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Broken promises, broken hearts
I have one of my New Year’s resolutions: stop being a filthy liar and follow through with promises I make.
If I had made this resolution for 2010, perhaps I wouldn’t feel so guilty about receiving this…
…Chrismas card from those darling gals, Mel and Nat and their roommate Frank. Because if I had made that resolution for 2010, then I woulda followed through on my...
In 4 days, Leo will be 4 years old
That’s 28 in dog years, and the same age as Bruce. We’ve just realized that Leo is our good-for-nothing, unemployed son.
B and I are fighting about Britney Spears's...
Welcome to Ortiz Liveoak Xmas 2010.
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I’ve found myself in some kind of GIF deathmatch via e-mail with Cho.
THIS IS A BATTLE I CAN NOT WIN.
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File Under: Pride Disproportionate to Achievement
GPOY—THIS POST EDITION
2010 hasn’t been kind to the Ortiz-Liveoak appliances.
I single-handedly repaired our dryer this evening and have not only the satisfaction of reaffirming my manhood but also of calling the store at which I placed the order for the new dryer this morning to cancel.
As a side note, moments ago this post was about 800 words longer, and I should stop to...
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Famous Former Residents of Brazil, IN →
#tl;dr
Although for all intents and purposes I grew up in a small (pop. 300) town in southern Clay County, IN, the county seat and largest town in the county was Brazil, IN, named by the original farmers after the South American country, which apparently had been in the news a lot in the mid 19th century. I went to high school in Brazil, but at the time there wasn’t much more to do there...
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WatchAfter 4 years of being a lock-key dog and becoming conditioned to the general time that Bruce and I would be home from work, Leo has developed a pretty keen internal clock for quittin’ time.
So when we are working from home, between 4:30 and 5 pm, Leo will start to demand attention by scratching at our legs from beneath the desk and tap dancing around the room. He will not let up.
My...
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I...
After seeing the photos posted from this weekend (see here, here, and here), I realize that I’m faced with a decision.
I can (a) put my money where my mouth is and get my considerable ass on a treadmill and cease putting everything that will fit or can be chewed down to swallowable bites into my mouth. The gravy for this option is that we can discontinue our currently purely philanthropic monthly...
I probs shoulda eaten something besides coffee...
I feel crazy.
(Angst, Angst, Gerber-Werder, & Gamma, 2005;...
I never cease to be amused by last names of authors I come across in citations and references. My favorites here:
Angst and his or her sibling or spouse, Angst, who appears to be a frequent collaborator
Gerber-Werder
This post wasn’t worth the time it took to write it, so I’m sure it wasn’t worth the time for you to read it.
Joke’s on you.
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Bruce is in rare form this morning
He’s been awake for less than an hour, and he has repeatedly attempted to interrupt my work by
coming up behind me to imdoginate Leo by rapidly sniffing my head and face
trying to stick his finger in my ear, not once, not twice, but three times
first asking for my feedback regarding a cap he’s knitting for a friend’s baby and then telling me he doesn’t need my criticism
...
Evidently Bruce is going to filibuster me tonite
He’s convinced Leo to trade time with him. Bruce tells me that they are preparing as I type this.
Despite this threat, my demands to extend the duration of sexytime is nonnegotiable.
Bruce knows all about Double Dream Hands →
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One last thing for tonite
The last time I looked at this chapter, it was 78 pages, and I was on page 48.
Now it is 112 pages, and I’m still on page 48. I hope to God that Bruce hasn’t been inspired to write while I’ve been at my day job.
@williterate
theycallmebruce:
You’re supposed to be working.
Get off of Tumblr!
Eff you, lazy. If you’re done with your nap, why don’t you get up off that couch and make me some pizza.
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DESCRIBE YOUR LAST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE USING A FILM...
scottfriday:
runmartinrun:
jasencomstock:
notthatkindagay:
sam-pop:
splashofgeek
Bounce.
Toy Story.
alien vs. predator
Home Alone
three men and a baby
Home Alone
Requiem for a Dream
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I can say pretty confidently that nobody else in...
But it was still funny when my associate editor told me a few moments ago that, in rankings of how Internet users find my client’s blog, I rank second, only behind the acronym for the organization, because of a single blog post I wrote months ago.
Although I’d like to believe that thousands of people are searching for me by name in search engines world wide, I know the true reason for...
“It’s like thinking outside the scrotum.”
– Coworker to me in the public office men’s room, of which we were not the only occupants, in response to nothing (that is, we were not having a conversation when he said this to me).
Leo is showing some suspect and potentially...
I imagine that to him it looks like a toilet adorned with chew toys. It’s something we’re going to have to deal with sooner than later.
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Hola
Gracias for following,
andydoesit
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tomasdintrans
emilygilmorewillcutyou
tellmeastorymorningglory
bertiescorner
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thisisfrank
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iwannabefat
iamsosorry
splashofgeek
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shiksafaghag
This is one of my favorite parts of the tour. Say hello to our...
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Mike Pence (R-IN) is an idiot.
He just said on cable news that he would rather extend tax cuts for people who earn over a million dollars a year than extend unemployment benefits. I’ve literally gagged three or four times during this interview.
